I think I haz cavity?

I am sickly again. With fever. And I blame it on my bad bad body because I think it takes pleasure in instigating mayhem in my life.

This is the body that tricked me into thinking I had a massive cavity during finals week because of course, I could totally use the extra hardship.

And I hate getting cavities because I always picture a little frontiersman with a cowboy hat trying to carve a homestead into my tooth with a shovel. I feel personally affronted of course because it's MY tooth and I can't just be giving out housing for little tooth people. But then I feel bad about begrudging him a home because it must be a hard-knocked life living in my mouth and he probably needs to provide for his little tooth family and then my toothache becomes mingled with guilt and it's just all sorts of unpleasant.

Welp, I drove 6 hours for an emergency dentist appointment because my mouth felt like the tooth people had upgraded to a jackhammer and this cavity seemed like a serious hole.

Dentist: So what's wrong?
Me: It hurts
Dentist: What kind of pain?
Me: A bad pain?
Dentist: Like a throbbing pain or a sharp pain?
Me: ....both? Yeah, definitely both. Maybe. I'm not sure. It just hurts all the time and I'm afraid my tooth's going to fall out.
Dentist: Well, they're just fine
Me: Oh...

So ultimately, I ended up in a dentist chair, unshowered and gross from my travels, to find that my body had played me like a sucker. I also probably looked very homeless and crazy to my poor dentist as I told him all about the horrible phantom pain in my perfectly healthy teeth.


O body, you deceived me. You already don't let me fly or kick demon butt like Buffy. All I ask is that you don't lie like a treacherous whore and screw up normal things. Like my teeth. Plz and Thx.